shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
