i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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