dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
