Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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