He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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