I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was CRYING into my vagina
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
