mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
