Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
