i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
