Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
