I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
