the new term for farting is butt boxing.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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