I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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