I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
As shirtless as possible
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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