the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
