My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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