she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
