I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
