Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
