he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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