The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
