I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
