my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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