You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
