hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
