I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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