By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
