We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
