Your dad touched me again.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Two words: blizzard sex
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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