I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
