im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
