If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
