Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
