Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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