So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
