Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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