i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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