I met the friendliest cop last night
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
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stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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