Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
