If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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