I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
