My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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