id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
