First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Pooping to opera.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
