Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
