shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dear god my vagina.
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