So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
