I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
