woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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