He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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