my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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