I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
