It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
