is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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