Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
