I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
