My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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