Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
