I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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