best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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