I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
