i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
