idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
