i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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