i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need to sanitize my soul.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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