Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
