No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
