The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
