Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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