that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
