She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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