I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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