I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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