Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
