man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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