she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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