just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
